i’m wondering, right now, why i bother having a blog? i never seem to find the time or the energy to update it. while i like the idea of a blog, i don’t seem to be keen on the execution of it.
actually, this leads me to a deeper insecurity that i have about myself – one that i don’t think i have ever really spoke of.
i’m afraid, that when push comes to shove, i don’t really have the passion or the energy for any of this. my photography has grown out of the requirements and the challenge imposed by the 365 day project. what is going to happen on january 1st when, like this blog, i find myself loving the idea of photography but lacking the requirement to get off my ass and shoot, process and post? will my photography become like this blog – nothing more than a romantic idea that’s grown stale out of neglect?
there are plenty of other examples of things that i have been passionate about while under some specific set of rules or other expectations – i can run every day when i’m training for a race, but without a race, i don’t run. i can do yoga 6 days a week for 40 days when i am part of a program, but i don’t go otherwise. i can take a photo every single day for a year, but what will happen when i’m not part of that 365 day project world anymore?
am i lazy? do i love the idea of creativity and art but lack the will to make it happen? or, is this real? can i find my own rhythm of creativity with photography and writing – one that will be fresh and vibrant and alive?
time will tell. the end of 365 days is right around the corner. i’m already thinking about a project for january which i hope will help me to transition from the rigors of daily self portraits to something more open and free.
in the meantime, lets just see if we can update this blog 3 times a week for the rest of the month.
ready. set.go.
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December 10, 2009 at 5:53 pm
w aka flatsol
it’s ok. i feel you about that passion for writing/blogging part.
i’ve held so many different domains over the years that i can tell that i am
1) transient and flaky.
but also
2) desire connection to both myself and the possibility of others ‘out there’, that i keep starting new bloggies. hah.
your flickr is one way to connect w/ yourself and others, and your following is indicative. you ever wonder just how people come to your pages/pictures? i do, all the time. i’m not gaming the Flickr system, so how DO people get to my images? you are active in pools though, so that makes a difference.
i also fall behind. i shoot way more than i process and post. my backlog is impressive. but i shoot. and i store. so when i find myself wanting to completely shut offline from the world, i have me and my 2d possibilities to explore. it wavers somewhere between duty, adventure, and.. labor. and i have less than ideal equipment too.
just imagine if you were like me and had a computer that lagged just running Lightroom. would you let it stop you? or would you power through?
the only way i get myself out there is to remember what’s at the core of my photography, whether generally speaking, or in a particular concept/idea i want to play with. what is the purpose? the true true underlying purpose? for me it is commonly for the documentation of particular aspects of culture, dance, the arts, that are important to me, that i feel i am singularly skilled, positioned, and conceptually focused to capture and curate for history’s sake.
with certain events happening all the time, i force myself out. it helps to be somewhat still young and malcontent/aspirational and living in the City. to be among people, to feel.. normal.. and unnoticed. allows me to sit back, observe, shoot with abandon. it’s a trek to go out and come back home, but.. the pictures tell the story. and i know that personally, i’ve linked one more pearl on the chain of a grand story.
give yourself as many reasons as possible.
take any excuse
to hold it in your hand
to look deeper into that which you gaze at
because you will learn something.
you know?
your hand eye connection is important.
and it’s ok to put the cam down for a while, if you’re tending to your spirit in other ways. do that yoga girl!
and just for facts sake, i haven’t shot film in a long time since moving to 20D. after seeing my friend’s rangefinder kit (Contax) and being given a lensbaby (any new lens period, but that thing i am surprised at how playful it makes you) i am inspired again… especially with the crazy graininess in b/w film.
god i love this photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ladybugrock/4163478778
i happen to have a TLR too. i will invoke my inner Ginsberg now…
keep playing. you will find new things to do.
bye lady. see you on the other side of this winter
w
January 20, 2010 at 9:08 am
KayLee
A quirky search brought me back to your blog. I have been following the flickr posts for so long, that I had forgotten that you also write.
I also feel your pain and wonder. My blog is a feeble attempt at being reflective. I find myself constrained by what I really want to have out there for others to read. And then I think of you. The barriers that you have shed in both blogging and photography. And I want to be like you.
My quilts sit essentially untouched, but when I do quilt, I love it so much. I almost don’t want to sleep so that I can continue on a piece. Where does that passion go, and when it is dormant, am I flat as a person.
I am touched by what you do, and will continue to follow in feast or famine.